I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize