they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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