How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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