And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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