the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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