We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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