OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
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I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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