if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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