i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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