I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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