You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
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he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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