ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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