Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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