can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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