The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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