i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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