Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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