I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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