I hate your face
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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