My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never underestimate the power of titties
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