matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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