I hate all girls vehemently.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
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It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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