I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize