All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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