Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
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If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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