Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize