I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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