Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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