I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize