Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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