If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize