getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
pray to the hookup gods
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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