listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize