Ketchup is God's man juice
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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