I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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