i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize