Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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