I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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