thus making me awesome and them whores
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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