Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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