That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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