How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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