the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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