I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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