dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
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some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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