Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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