dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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