four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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