C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize