A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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